When emotional needs are left unaddressed in a relationship, couples commonly exhibit the following behaviors:
- Feelings of sadness
- Expressions of anger
- Decreased appreciation for one’s partner and the relationship itself
- Resentful attitudes
- Increased frequency of arguments
- Frustration with the situation
- Withdrawal from social interactions and feelings of isolation
- Downplaying or disregarding one’s own needs
- Seeking emotional fulfillment outside of the relationship, which may constitute emotional infidelity.
Experiencing one or more of these signs can exacerbate conditions such as stress, anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, ultimately diminishing the quality of both the relationship and individual life satisfaction.
To address these issues, it’s necessary to take responsibility and communicate your needs openly with your partner. Although it may be habitual to downplay or ignore unmet needs, doing so only perpetuates the cycle of frustration and isolation.
Breaking this cycle begins with acknowledging and expressing your needs to your partner. If you find yourself questioning your worth in the relationship, pause and redirect your focus towards identifying which emotional needs are lacking in your life. By initiating this dialogue, you empower yourself and your partner to work towards fulfilling each other’s emotional needs, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
Related: What are Emotional Needs in a Relationship?
How to Communicate your Emotional Needs aren’t being met
While we may wish our partners could intuitively understand our thoughts and feelings, the reality is they cannot. Therefore, before attributing fault to your partner, it’s essential to first examine your own communication efforts. Have you clearly, or at all, expressed your feelings to them?
Our partners cannot fulfill our emotional needs if we do not articulate them. Consider the following steps when communicating that your emotional needs are not being met:
1. Define Your Objective
Before engaging in a discussion with your partner about your emotional needs, it’s important to establish a clear objective. Take the time to introspect and pinpoint exactly what you require and desire. If you struggle to articulate your own needs internally, it becomes challenging to communicate them effectively with your partner. Discard any sense of shame and openly communicate your feelings and objectives.
2. Embrace Collaboration
Both you and your partner aspire to have a mutually fulfilling relationship—keep this in mind. The fact that your needs are unmet does not make your partner your adversary. Remember, you are allies working towards the same goal.
3. Express Emotions Gently
While it may be challenging, strive to maintain composure when discussing unmet needs. Set aside feelings of frustration, sadness, or anger in favor of softer, more composed emotions. This approach allows for objective evaluation of the relationship dynamics.
4. Utilize “I” Statements
Avoid accusatory language or placing blame on your partner. Instead, employ “I” statements to convey your feelings and rationale. By framing your sentences in this manner, you minimize defensiveness and foster open communication.
For instance, refrain from saying, “You make me angry because you don’t listen to me.” Instead, express yourself with, “I feel upset when you ignore me because it makes me feel undervalued.”
When using “I” statements, elucidate how you feel, the specific behavior influencing your emotions, why it affects you, and potential solutions.
5. Be Direct About Your Needs
Set aside any apprehensions and directly communicate your feelings and desired resolutions. Your partner can only address your needs if they are explicitly expressed. Therefore, be forthright in asking for what you require. By being clear about your needs, whether it pertains to understanding, attention, privacy, prioritization, or any other aspect, your partner gains insight into areas requiring improvement within the relationship.