Empty nest syndrome refers to the loss and loneliness parents may experience when their children leave the family home, whether it is to live on their own or enroll in college or university. It is not a clinical condition.
Now that your last child has graduated from high school, the time has come for him or her to finally leave the nest and embark on whatever adventures are ahead for them.
You might feel a range of feelings, including pride, anxiety, and perhaps a hint of grief, as you assist them with packing, shopping for new accessories, or participating in your last family meal for a while. That feeling that hits after saying goodbye, you can be left wondering, “How do I cope?”
The post-parental period, which starts after the final child has left the house, gives many parents the opportunity to experience adulthood with more free time and fewer daily duties.
Others parents have a harder time adjusting to this new stage. For example, if you suddenly live alone or feel as though you have no purpose in life, you can start to experience emotions of melancholy and loneliness.
This situation, often known as empty nest syndrome, can occasionally have an impact on your emotional well-being and day-to-day activities. However, there are many things you can do to lessen the adjustment and discover new purpose as you move into this new phase of life.
In this article is a detailed analysis of empty nest syndrome, including its causes, potential impacts, and coping mechanisms.
The Origin of the Empty Nest
Until the twentieth century, “empty nests” were quite uncommon. Most families remained together until the death of the parents. In certain situations, married or unmarried children might continue to reside in the family home, while in others, parents might decide to live in multigenerational homes with their grown children.
However, as family numbers reduced and cultural attitudes altered, it became increasingly typical for parents to live alone after their children grew up and left home in several societies and cultures.
The concept of an empty nest syndrome was later made popular by research from the 1970s, which suggested that parents, particularly mothers, tended to experience existential despair after they were no longer able to provide for their offspring.
However, more recent research from 2016 suggests that empty nest syndrome may be more of a myth than a reality. The original studies have come under fire from researchers for focusing only on middle-class housewives with severe depressive symptoms, a group that does not fairly represent the general population.
Some specialists contend that there is no such thing as empty nest syndrome and that the symptoms are actually caused by untreated sadness, anxiety, or hormone-related illnesses.
Positive Impacts of an Empty Nest
A 2020 study found that, unless elder parents have a history of social isolation, having a “empty nest” does not threaten their happiness. Furthermore, a 2009 study of Canadian empty nesters found that most parents change psychologically for the better once their children leave the nest.
The post-parental stage may have various advantages:
1. Greater Intimacy
It can be time-consuming to juggle family errands, meal preparation, extracurricular activities, transportation to friends’ houses, and homework assistance. You could have struggled to find time for a love partner since you were a busy parent. You now have the opportunity to restart your sexual life in peace and quiet.
Related: Learn the Effects of Orgasm on your Health.
2. Self-actualization
When your kids are grown up, you could find that you have a lot more money to spend on your own wants and needs. This may be a spot for a romantic getaway, money for personal expenses, or free time to enroll in the program of your dreams. You may basically rediscover who you are and go in any direction you want.
3. Pride
No matter what is going on in the world, raising a child is no easy task. Regardless of the circumstances, you deserve credit for assisting your children in becoming self-sufficient adults as well as delight in highlighting and celebrating their accomplishments with extended family.
4. Better Connections with your Children
When you are no longer in charge of your children’s financial needs, you might find it simpler to relate to them as adults. Plus, if they start paying rent and preparing their own meals, they might get a new appreciation for all the effort you put into providing them with food and housing.
Conflict resolution can be greatly aided by showing each other respect and admiration.
Related: Parents talk about Alcohol when your Children are 9
Possible Downsides of an Empty Nest
Unwanted changes in your household may result from the departure of your child or children. This change could feel both extremely upsetting and somewhat bittersweet.
You may encounter a few of the following:
1. Sadness
Even after realizing that your child needs to live their own life, it’s normal to miss them. Without them, your house could look empty, lonely, or even less like a home. As you commemorate the passing of an era, you could experience sadness.
2. Anxiety
You might be concerned about whether your children are eating well, going to bed on time, or having any problem with their daily lives. As a result, you might feel compelled to check in on them constantly by calling or texting. Because you want to be active in their lives, you might eventually take the helicopter parent approach and try to run their lives from a distance.
Related: Natural Remedies for Reducing Anxiety
3. Existential Skepticism
You may define yourself in large part by your parental role. When your children move out, you could feel a little lost or empty, similar to an actor who has delivered their final line in a play.
4. Relationship Problems
Your relationship with your partner may become more tense as a result of the uncertainties of this shift. Issues like poor communication or unsatisfactory sex may not seem breakup-worthy if your children are still living at home. However, once the kids start living independently, you might find yourself having to quickly rethink the structure of your new life spent just the two of you, and those difficulties you brushed aside might start resurfacing.
Factors Responsible for Empty Nest Syndrome
Empty nest syndrome may be caused by a variety of reasons, such as:
1. Identity
You may have lost yourself in the daily commotion of raising your children and managing the home during the parenting years. As a result, you could have had less free time to explore your own hobbies or relationships with people who aren’t in your immediate family.
Therefore, once you’ve reached the empty nest period, you might need some time to reexamine and reawaken those aspects of your identity that don’t revolve around being a parent.
2. Regret
There may be intense levels of conflict between parents and children, particularly throughout the adolescent years. Your empty nest may be cast in doubt if your child left the house on bad terms. You could feel guilty about passing up chances to reconnect with your child and mend your relationship’s cracks. Or you could be concerned that your youngster won’t return for visits.
3. Fear of being Alone
Even if you and your child are extremely close, there will inevitably be some emotional and physical distance created when they move out of the family home. You can start to fear that this distance will only widen with time and that this person, who was previously a big part of your life, will only visit you on rare occasions and holidays.
4. Worry about your Child’s Decisions
Perhaps your child left home to seek a career you feel is unattainable or to live with a spouse you don’t like or are worried about. Naturally, you could worry, especially if you believe that they left the nest more in a freefall than a flight.
According to research from 2016, you’re more likely to suffer from empty nest syndrome if your child leaves before the customary age in your culture or for reasons that don’t conform to social norms.
5. Depression
Many of the early studies on empty nest syndrome used individuals who had already had inpatient treatment for depression. Some specialists think that depression from the past may be related to empty nest syndrome. Simply put, the stress of having a child leave the house causes a mood episode, which may include signs like depression, irritability, and insomnia.
Changes in Mid- and Late-Life
When your child moves out of the house, the empty nest stage may coincide with other life events like:
1. Retirement
Stopping your profession and parenthood at the same time can make you reflect on your sense of purpose because your job can be a source of status and social connection.
2. Menopause or Andropause
Hormonal changes can frequently be linked to irritability, depression, and other mood disorders.
3. Losing your Own Parents
If your children leave home around the same time that your parents pass away, you could experience a great deal of loneliness as you process your grief and the loss of your major support system.
Any of these adjustments could make the move to the empty nest stage more stressful.
How to Deal with It
Even when empty nest syndrome does result in unpleasant or uncomfortable sensations, it can be beneficial to keep in mind that these emotions will pass. You can take a variety of measures in the interim to make your empty nest feel more like a home.
1. Prioritize Yourself
As you age, you continue to develop as a person, and you may now have plenty of time to experiment with new interests, workout routines, and 7-days vacation trips with your partner.
2. Increase the Number of People in your Social Circle
Adult connections may do a lot to rekindle your sense of purpose and ward off boredom. Leaning on other family members during this difficult time, such as your partner (if you have one), parents, siblings, and other close relatives, can also be beneficial.
If you truly feel the need to scratch your caring itch, think about getting a pet. A study conducted in 2020 indicated that owning a dog reduced the depression, anxiety, and loneliness related to empty nesting. Of course, walking a dog keeps you active and forces you to leave the house, which may lead to the introduction of new acquaintances.
3. Maintain Communication with your Kids
Even if your child no longer resides at home, you can still communicate with them frequently. Ask your child whether they mind communicating with you via email or text message every few days instead of scheduling a weekly or monthly video call to catch up.
When to Seek Assistance
After your children depart, it’s completely normal to have some fleeting, mildly depressing sensations of grief or loneliness. On the other hand, it can be worthwhile to think about seeking professional treatment if your ongoing distress interferes with your daily activities.
You should consider contacting a therapist if you:
- Have trouble getting yourself to take care of yourself in the most basic ways, like night sleep.
- Feel as though your life is “all downhill from here” or that it has no purpose.
- Observe an increase in arguments with your partner.
- Feeling overwhelmed by regret, longing or resentment when thinking about your child.
- You are having trouble enjoying your normal activities.
The right therapist can help you identify and control strong emotions and explore options for making the most of your post-parenting years.
Outlook
As you transition into the post-parental period, you might thrive right away, but you might also feel a little lost or struggle with worry and despair. Undoubtedly, it could take some time to become used to a new daily routine. But in time, you might discover that you’re taking advantage of life’s opportunities even more.
However, support can help if you experience loss, emptiness, or other emotional suffering that persists or worsens over time. Making contact with a therapist, close friends, or a support group might help you be reminded that even though your children may have left the nest, it is not necessarily empty.