What Exactly is a Love Language?
Do you have a friend who, while you’d rather a little romance, would choose taking a walk to receiving flowers? That very sentence serves as a simple illustration of different love languages.
We all express and receive love in different ways, and those variations may be the cause of how sometimes feelings and good intentions are misunderstood. For instance, you might spend weeks searching for the most incredible gift imaginable for a partner, only to hear them say on their birthday, “I would’ve been happy just ordering in and then cuddling up on the couch together.”
It’s not always the case that they’re unappreciative or that you made a mistake. They merely express their love in a different way, or in a different love language.
Understanding your partner’s and your own preferences for receiving and expressing love could result in more attentive interactions and a strong bond, not to mention fewer violent birthdays and Valentine’s Day celebrations.
What are the Different Types of Love Languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor, initially described the five love languages in his book “The 5 Love Languages,” published in 1992.
The five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Just so you know, love doesn’t just exist in romantic relationships. They can also be beneficial in your platonic interactions.
Words of Affirmation as a Love Language
Words of affirmation are the first love language, and they are used to convey love and gratitude, whether orally, in writing, in texts, or in any combination of the three.
If you thrive on: this might be one of your love languages.
Receiving a compliment
Hearing “I love you” frequently
Getting positive remarks
The secret to using words of affirmation is to be genuine and use them frequently. Send a text or a letter if you have problems expressing yourself verbally. What important is that you express your appreciation to them in words.
For a relationship, this can entail expressing your love for them more frequently or calling them periodically during the day to let them know you are thinking of them. Words of affirmation for a buddy might take the form of a text message saying, “You’ll do well!” before a job interview or a praise on their attire.
You can use the following phrases to express affirmation in platonic or romantic relationships:
- Saying “I love you.”
- “Our friendship is very important to me.”
- “You’ve got this.”
- I’m really happy for you.
- “Thank you for being my friend, loving me, and doing everything you do.”
Quality Time as a Sign of Affection
The second love language is quality time, which is exactly what you might expect: enjoying spending quality time together. When individuals they care about make time for each other and offer each other their whole attention, a person whose love language is quality time may feel most loved and cherished.
One of your love languages may be spending quality time if:
- When you don’t spend enough time with a partner, you feel distant.
- Your libido is impacted by not spending enough time with your spouse or partners.
- You put a lot of effort into scheduling social time.
Everyone has a different idea of what quality time is. Some people value having some time set aside to unwind with one another at the end of the day. Others define quality time as making time for shared activities.
When spending quality time, it’s important to be fully present and free from outside distractions.
Here are some instances of how to show your love by spending quality time:
- Before getting out of bed every morning, spending some time cuddling.
- Consciously planning a dating night once a week.
- No matter how busy you both are, make time to get out with your best friend.
- Putting your phone away when you’re talking or engaging in a shared activity.
- Establishing a routine, such as a weekly lunch meeting.
Physical Touch as a Love Language
The third love language is physical touch. To be clear, this is appropriate, consenting physical contact, which manifests differently depending on the circumstance and the nature of your connection with the other person. Physical touch is vital for those whose preferred method of expressing and receiving love is touch. They communicate and feel connected to others through touch.
Your love language may involve physical contact if:
- When you don’t receive physical affection from your partner(s), you feel isolated or distant.
- When a spouse gives you an unplanned kiss or cuddles you, it makes you feel especially cherished.
- You adore PDA and consider yourself to be a “touchy-feely” person.
Physical touch can be used to convey affection through simple actions like hugging or cuddling. It may also involve additional sexual activity, such as kissing, if it is acceptable.
Here are some instances of how physical touch can be used to show love:
- Kissing a companion good-bye and hello.
- Being open to receiving love, even in front of others.
- Lingering in bed with a partner before and after sleep.
- Scheduling sex, even if you have to prioritize it.
- You can reassure them by touching them, holding them, or putting your hand on theirs.
Again, permission is required. Use these examples and don’t touch anyone unless they’ve made it clear they welcome it.
Acts of Service as a Love Language
The fourth love language is acts of service, and if you truly feel that deeds always speak louder than words, this love language is for you. By actions, I mean providing the other with thoughtful, selfless acts. Keep in mind that these don’t have to be romantic in nature; they can also strengthen bonds with friends and family.
These are some indications that your love language may be acts of service:
- When a spouse assists you with a task without having to be asked, you are over the moon.
- You are the friend a friend needs when they are having a rough day.
- You are constantly willing to step up and take action on behalf of the people you care about.
- Buying lunch for a friend or running an errand for a busy friend or loved one are examples of acts of service rather than extravagant gestures.
Here are some examples of how you can show others love by performing acts of service:
- Without being requested or for a special occasion, taking them out to lunch dates.
- Making a bubble bath for a lover without any sexual expectations.
- Allowing them to pick the movie they want to see, even if you don’t like the movie.
- Buying them preferred ice cream, perfumes, wine, chocolate, or whatever else they like.
- Offering to watch the children for a friend so they may take a well-earned vacation.
Receiving Gifts as a Love Language
The fifth and final love language is receiving gifts. It must be made clear that this love language is not just for the materialistic or alleged “gold diggers.” It goes far beyond just wanting material things for someone whose love language is gifting. For this person, the significance of the present and the thinking that went into it are both equally important. No pricey automobiles or silvers are necessary.
Signs that receiving gifts is your love language:
- You take the time to select the most considerate gift while presenting presents.
- No matter how little a partner provides for you, you value it all.
- When someone you care about fails to honor a special occasion with a kind memento, it hurts.
Giving gifts to express affection is not about being extravagant. Even a tiny present will be appreciated because it serves as a physical reminder that the recipient was given thought and care.
Giving gifts is someone’s love language, so here are some ways to express your affection for them:
- Picking up their preferred treat on the way home.
- Surprise them with flowers, whether they are picked up from the side of the road or Purchased from a store.
- Sending them a thoughtful card for no particular reason.
- Bringing a memento of your earliest friendship, such as a photo from your first road trip, to your best buddy.
- Selecting presents unique to your connection.
Love Language Critiques that should take into Account
The five love languages offer a wonderful foundation for comprehending your relationship(s) and those around you, but they don’t always accurately reflect how everyone wishes to express their love. There’s a good chance that you, your partner(s), and other family members have a deep connection with more than one of the love languages.
Since the love languages were first described, gender and cultural standards have also changed significantly, which has had an impact on how we express our love and how we wish to be loved.
While everyone of us has our own unique ways of expressing love, they may not exactly fall into one of the five predetermined categories that were established at a time when women were historically more likely to serve and have children, men were better equipped — financially speaking — to give gifts.
The above five love languages can be a fantastic place to start when trying to improve communication and understanding in a relationship, but there are additional methods you can try as well.
Seven different love styles were identified in a recent survey by the personality testing organization, Truity, which polled over 500,000 people. Think of it as an upgraded version of the original love languages with two more languages. To determine your styles, you can take their online assessment.
Another option is to speak with a relationship counselor. Investigating in-person or online psychotherapy may prove to be beneficial for you.
RELATED: Top 10 Emotional Needs in a Relationship and Their Importance.
Conclusion
Everyone communicates their love in a unique way. The five love languages can be a good place to start if you want to get to know each other better though don’t be too rigid with them.